THESE TIMES

Random thoughts for a day in August

Kirk Ericson | Aug 03, 20230

We got a letter from the IRS last month. I nervously opened it, but it only sought our participation in a survey on what the IRS calls “taxpayer burden” – the amount of money and time taxpayers spend on preparing their taxes. That’s fine, but it should have said this, in large letters, on the outside of the envelope: “It’s OK! You’re not in trouble!”

A woman out bicycling the other day was wearing a mask, but not a helmet, and it reminded me of what I adore about human beings.

When I was small, all we had available to entertain us on long car rides was a window.

If you’re an atheist, it’s inconsistent to be superstitious.

Here’s what an old married woman could say to reject a younger man’s indecent proposal: “Not only am I happily married, I am happily incapable.”

“Alms for the poor” might be a fruitful message on a street person’s sign.

The minus sign has a negative connotation.

I recently spotted this headline on a story on the internet: “Pickleball tears apart Miami community.”

Listen. If pickleball could tear apart a community, that community was ready to be torn apart by something.

The power that is transmitted along electric transmission lines will someday be viewed with the same distain that some people now have for oil.

In the interest of impartiality, newspapers should always use quotation marks in sentences like this: “Easter is when many Christians celebrate Jesus Christ’s ‘resurrection.’ ”

It seems carrots are the one vegetable that people who don’t like vegetables will eat.

Pound for pound, ants appear way busier than bees.

One of our sons went to a drag and burlesque show recently. When he got home, I asked whether he enjoyed watching the erosion of Western values. “Yes I did, and in a good way,” he replied.

Here’s what a quantitative analyst might say to a co-worker she’s angry with: “Why don’t you try cramming this data point into your damn data set!”

Pets or children? Which are there more of in this country?

You’re being too harsh on others if you correct someone for mispronouncing “articulate.”

It recently dawned on me that I have no opinion on wind chimes.

Seeing a sparkling clean, oversized passenger pickup idling in a parking space on a warm day often makes me wish I had supernatural destructive powers.

Here’s a new tactic I’ve noticed with salespeople: They’ll tell you how much something “normally” is before telling you what “your” price will be.

Signs of human progress:

When you flush the toilet, the shower water doesn’t suddenly turn cold.

Cars don’t overheat or break down as often as they once did.

You can run vehicles on a battery.

We don’t use lead or asbestos in products.

Scientists were able to create a vaccine less than one year after the emergence of a deadly global respiratory disease.

Flashlights are brighter, smaller and more dependable than ever.

We have more people on Earth who understand that many of our planet’s resources are finite.

Some myths that won’t go away: There’s a jackpot at the end of the rainbow; owning a gun will always make you safer; and God makes your life better if you give money to a church or to an evangelist.

For many people who identify as Republicans or Democrats, the most powerful attraction that binds them to their party is the shared people they hate.

The words “liberty” and “freedom” have been fully co-opted by the industrial advertising complex.

When it comes to ordering food in a restaurant, women seem more likely than men to ask their dining mates, while pointing at a menu item, “Would you like to share this?”

I always wear a hat because when I accidentally spot myself in a mirror or window, my gray hair startles me. I don’t like being startled, therefore, hat. Also, many people suspect that some people wear hats to cover their baldness, but I’m not bald or balding. So, wearing a hat is a favor I do for my bald and balding brethren and sistren.