A political fable for our troubled times

Once upon a time, two aardvarks named Donny and Danny lived and hunted in the

scrubland of their native territory. They were the best of friends, sharing their food and happiness equally. Sometimes they argued about whether ants or termites were tastier, but they always were kind to each other when they disagreed.

While wandering through the scrub one evening, our main characters had become especially hungry because they couldn’t find insects to eat. Their stomachs growled as they trolled for food among the insect mounds they had recently visited.

After five hours, when the moon had reached its highest point, they discovered a mammoth anthill. They stuck their long, sticky tongues inside the opening at the same time and lapped up ants long beyond what it would take to satisfy their hunger.

Then a terrible circumstance came to be. As the aardvarks rummaged inside the hole, their tongues

twisted themselves into a hard knot. When they removed their tongues from the hole, they could see that they, like their tongues, were in a bind.

For hours they twisted and pulled and scratched at the knot, but they could not undo what had been done. The awkward aardvarks

proceeded to wander the scrubland, looking for another animal to help them undo their terrible circumstance.

They saw a zebra and asked for help, but the zebra shook his head.

“I would never help the likes of you,” the zebra said. “You should not have engaged in acts that led to such a predicament. You have been punished and I won’t undo what has been done.”

The aardvarks protested the best they could, which was not very well. They mumbled about how their knotted condition came to be, but the zebra ignored them and sauntered away.

Donny and Danny soon met a hyena. Though increasingly impaired by their twisted tongues, the aardvarks were able to communicate to the hyena how their condition came to be. The hyena was not sympathetic.

“You would not be in this pathetic state if you had anticipated being hungry,” the hyena said with a superior air, which is a hard act for an animal whose fur resembles a dorm-room rug. “If you had stored food while you were not hungry, you would have had something to eat when you were hungry. I won’t undo what has been done.”

Donny and Danny were desperate. They returned to the same anthill where they had dined hours before and begged for the ants’ help. Their tongues were almost too bloated to function, but the two aardvarks apologized repeatedly to the ants as they simultaneously

communicated that they needed urgent assistance.

The ants were wary.

“How do we know you won’t eat us if we unknot your tongues?” the leader of the ants asked.

Donny and Danny looked at the ants with big, sad, droopy eyes. The ants, who are among the more empathetic and nurturing animals in the insect kingdom, agreed to help. Two thousand of the ants — approximately — hopped atop Donny and

Danny and undid the knot.

The two aardvarks were ecstatic. Moved by their fierce hunger, they immediately went to the anthill and — one at a time, this time —devoured the rest of the ants, including the ants that had untied their tongues.

Then the two aardvarks sat against a tree, full of food and happiness. They swore to each other to never stick their tongues into the same anthill at the same time.

The moral: It’s impossible to know what’s going on with animals these days.