These Times

I was walking with my 7-year-old nephew, Mason, when he noticed birds in the sky. “Look at that,” he said. “The birds are flowing like water.”

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Last week, a few hours before the storm that wasn’t was forecast to start pummeling us back to the Stone Age, I was out walking with one of my sons when we approached the pizza place down the block from our home. It was warm out. We saw two girls, maybe 5 years old, one hanging sideways among the branches of a giant rhododendron bush, the other had her two feet on the ground while she licked an ice cream cone. Ice cream girl stepped toward us on the sidewalk. “This is my best friend,” she proclaimed to us, pointing to tree girl, who beamed in agreement. “And we just met today!” Ice cream girl’s smiling face was smeared with strawberry sorbet, so technically she was sorbet girl. “I’m going to show her my house,” sorbet girl continued, “and we’re going to have a party!”

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I know someone who might be in pre-hab because rehab appears to be in her future.

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I only have my own observations on this, but it seems drivers with stuff hanging from their rearview mirror are more likely to tailgate. And the tailgating chances increase if one of the hanging items is a Christmas tree-shaped “air freshener.”

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I was talking to a friend while he was having trouble with his hearing aids — they were picking up disconnected words coming from his cellphone. At one point he said, in frustration, “Damn it. I’m getting spam in my hearing aids again.” Imagine hearing those words 25 years ago. You might have thought, “Why would someone put Spam in his hearing aids? And it’s happening again?”

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Cats are Republicans. Dogs are Democrats. Cats wonder what’s in it for them. Dogs wonder who will pet them.

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The ancient Roman philosopher, politician and writer Cicero could be considered a pre-Renaissance man.

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I walked into a coffee shop recently where the only customers were four women, three of whom were all dolled up — makeup, painted nails, styled hair, and what I assumed were fashionable and expensive clothes. They were all speaking loudly and in a Slavic language, which I took to be Russian. I was instantly repulsed by them — I figured they were somehow connected to Russian oligarchs, and by extension, Putin. I made a lot of assumptions during that encounter, all of which were based on a minimal assortment of facts, which is exactly where prejudice thrives. My judgment of those women was as fair as non-Americans being prejudiced against all Americans because of our nation’s current president.

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I have a sense of infinity, but I don’t know why.

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The following phrase is in use among some people in their teens and 20s: “Netflix and chill.” It’s used like this, “What are you doing tonight?” “Oh, nothing. Just Netflix and chill.” It means you’re going to have sex and, interestingly, watching Netflix isn’t necessarily part of the deal. I learned this slang phrase while watching the Netflix series “Kim’s Convenience” with one of my sons. A character used the phrase “Netflix and chill” and my son explained it to me. He seemed very surprised that I hadn’t heard the phrase, which was a lovely way for him to suggest that I’m the sort of person who is hip to the scene, not out of it and digging what the cool cats are laying down.

Author Bio

Kirk Ericson, Columnist / Proofreader

Shelton-Mason County Journal & Belfair Herald
email: kirk@masoncounty.com