THESE TIMES

This kid says the darndest things

Kirk Ericson | Oct 26, 20230

Oliver Svenningson is 8 years old. He’s the son of friends of ours, friends who used to be neighbor-friends, but they lost neighbor status when mother, father and Oliver moved to Germany in summer 2021 for a job. I told the father, Brad, a couple of years ago that he should be saving Oliver’s observations because Oliver makes comments worth remembering. Here are some Brad has sent me:

October 2020: Oliver saw a woman and man working on their roof, and dad explained what was going on. Oliver’s response: “I don’t want to be a roofer when I grow up. When I get married, I want to marry someone who takes risks. She can do the roofing.”

Feb. 13, 2022: “Dad, if Poseidon and Athena mated but Zeus helped, what would the baby be like?”

March 2: “Why do I have to go to school on Dad’s birthday?”

March 17: “Mom, I’ll never stop loving you. Just please don’t do anything bad.”

March 20: “Santa Claus isn’t human because he doesn’t have human DNA.”

April 10: “Gods aren’t real. Gods are made up by the Chinese.”

April 11: (While tucking Oliver into bed) “Are you good, Oliver?”

“I’m good as usual, Dad.”

April 12: (While listening to the song “Gangnam Style”) “Sexy lady means dumb friend lady in Korean.”

July 25: (Dad to Oliver) “You said this project would only take you five minutes. It has been 45 minutes. I can’t trust you when you say only five minutes. So, we won’t be doing these projects anymore at night.” (Oliver) “Well Dad, technically it is only five minutes. I have been doing this for four to five minutes so that is 45 minutes.”

Aug. 1: “What would happen to you if you saved someone’s life but also killed someone?”

Oct. 3: (While discussing kidneys and whether you could survive without one, Dad told Oliver people can donate one of their kidneys to people who need it) Oliver then asked, “But what if you scheduled skydiving for the weekend of the surgery?”

March 2023: “Dad, I’m a real good multitasker. Just now I was watching ‘Star Wars,’ exercising my legs and meditating all at the same time.”

July 19: (Describing the taste of a tomato) “It tastes sweet and sour and a taste no one has tasted before.”

Aug. 8: “I like spiders almost as much as I like humans. I used to not like spiders so much but then I remembered we had a pet tarantula in preschool and now I like spiders. But not as much as humans.”

Aug. 26: (While visiting Paris) “Oliver look, there’s the Eiffel Tower.”

“Yeah, so?”

Sept. 5: “See that squirrel there? I named him Spot. That squirrel over there is called Darkie. I call him that because he has dark fur and he’s American.”

September: Oliver had Dad and a neighbor perform a role in his latest film. After Oliver said “cut” and turned off the camera phone, he said, “I need to get more experienced actors.”

Sept. 30: Dad gave Oliver’s old bike to a neighbor. Oliver agreed to it. When they were leaving the apartment, Dad reminded Oliver that Ruffie had the bike. He told Oliver to be kind and say Ruffie looks good riding the bike. When we saw Ruffie, Oliver told him, “Yeah, I could’ve given this bike to anyone but there’s no one really around I could give it to. So, I guess you can have it. I mean, there are lots of kids I could’ve given it to. Lots of them. They are all annoying though. You’re the least annoying. So here you go.” When they got in the car, Oliver asked, “So, how’d I do?”

Sept. 30: “OK. I’m going to bed now. Or maybe just lay on the couch and relax. I don’t know yet.”