When you’re cleaning the fridge and you can’t identify a substance, toss it. If anyone complains, say you ate it.
Never comment on a woman’s pregnancy unless you have indisputable confirmation that the woman is genuinely and thoroughly pregnant.
Be sincere when you say “please” and “thank you,” even if you don’t mean it.
Take your shoes off and put them near the door when you enter your home. You won’t have to vacuum as much.
Read novels occasionally.
Until you turn off your computer, assume anyone in the Zoom or Skype meeting you just left can hear you.
If you reduce the number of objects you have, you’re less likely to lose what you have. You’re more likely to lose a pair of socks if you have 15 pairs instead of five. You’re more likely to lose a pair of sunglasses if you have six rather than one, and you’re more likely to lose one wife if you have five rather than one.
Keep fingernail clippers on your key fob. Clippers come in handy more often than you can imagine.
Stretch.
Shave in the shower. Use the lather from the shampoo on your hair as shaving cream.
If you’re married, don’t mention previous boyfriends or girlfriends in the presence of your spouse.
If you see a police car running a speed trap along the road, assume another cop car is waiting around the bend. It’s the same as seeing a deer on the shoulder of a road. Assume another deer is waiting to spring in front of your car.
Don’t obsess about winning arguments. Instead, obsess about understanding the other person’s argument.
Always have fruit in your home.
Treat your feet well. If you splurge on any clothing item, splurge on comfortable shoes. And don’t wear high heels.
If you wear a ring, remove it every couple of months to ensure your finger hasn’t gotten too fat for it — you might need to remove that ring someday.
Ask yourself the following question before you get on a roof: “Do I want to be one of those people who people remember by saying, ‘It was so tragic. He fell off the roof.’ ”
Keep a small, absorbent towel within reach in the passenger compartment of your car. You never know when moisture will appear.
Life goes easier if you don’t expect to get credit for doing a good job or a good deed.
The world doesn’t revolve around you or the country you live in.
Agility, quickness and speed will get you out of more predicaments in this life than will strength and power. Rhythm is always stronger than strength.
■ Contact Kirk Ericson at [email protected]
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