Figurative language confounds children. The first time I heard “Put some elbow grease into it,” I imagined it came in a can, like 3-In-One oil. I checked the cupboard. We were out.
In the playground of metaphor, few pieces of work are as bewildering as a religious work, and the religious work I’m most familiar with is the Bible, due to a lifetime of Sunday school at Presbyterian churches in Spokane.
Here are some biblical stories, some questions and some apparently valuable lessons not learned:
The story of Lot’s wife: Before God leveled Sodom and Gomorrah, angels warned Lot and his family to flee for their safety. The family is told not to look back as they flee, but Lot’s wife does look back and becomes a pillar of salt. We didn’t know what a pillar of salt was nor did we know how permanent that condition was, but we sensed it was not a good thing. What’s a pillar of salt? That’s something cows lick to ensure they have enough salt, the Sunday school teacher told us. But of all the things you could turn into, what was the point of a pillar of salt? Does this have something to do with eating too much salt? The teacher explained: A pillar of salt couldn’t move and thus couldn’t save itself from the destruction of the wicked. But, we continued, would the message be the same if Lot’s wife turned into, say, a barn that had salt stored inside? That can’t move either. It’s not about the salt, the teacher said. It’s that if you disobey God, bad things happen. OK, one more thing: Why would the angels tell the family not to look back? What’s the harm in that? When I left church that day, I didn’t look back.
The adulteress: This is the New Testament story in which a woman accused of adultery is due to get stoned. Jesus steps forward and says, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” What’s stoning? we asked. The teacher said people could throw rocks at someone until they died. That’s crazy. No one would ever do that, would they? Yes, the teacher said, they did that back then. Could the people who were getting stoned duck? Could they throw the rocks back? That would be fair. Were they big stones or more like pebbles? The point, the teacher explained, is we’re all sinners and in need of forgiveness. But what about the second stone? Would you still be in trouble with Jesus if you threw the second stone? And what was so bad about what the woman did? What’s adultery anyway?
Isaac and Abraham: Bob Dylan, in “Highway 61 Revisited,” captured a child’s befuddlement about this Old Testament story:
“Oh, God said to Abraham, ‘Kill me a son’
“Abe say, ‘Man, you must be puttin’ me on’
“God say, ‘No,’ Abe say, ‘What?’
“God say, ‘You can do what you want Abe, but the next time you see me comin’ you better run.’ ”
This story is about God commanding Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Abraham ties his son to an altar and prepares to slay him with a knife, but God intercedes. Abraham is told it was a test, and Abraham continues his rise in the organization. But teacher, do you think Abraham would have killed Isaac? Perhaps he knew God would stop it, and Abraham was only pretending he would kill him. And why would God make a dad do such a thing? Is God going to ask our dads to do that? What happens if the angel messes up and forgets to put a stop to it? The point, the teacher said, was to be faithful to God’s commands, no matter what. OK, teacher, but did Isaac get angry at his dad when he found he was going to kill him? Did they get along after he almost killed him? Teacher? Teacher?
Contact Kirk Ericson at [email protected]
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