Random thoughts for a November day

Kirk Ericson | Nov 11, 20210

A new term for old people: The formerly young.

When you go to the parking lot where you’ve parked your car and it isn’t where you thought you parked it, is your first thought, “Damn! Someone stole my car!” Then, when you find your car, do you give a silent apology to the person you falsely accused?

Whenever I’m in a hot tub, I feel like I’m a member of the 1%.

We should use the word “unsettled” instead of “settled” when referring to the effect of immigrants occupying other people’s land. For instance, American pioneers didn’t “settle” the West — they “unsettled” the West. No one can argue that they didn’t unsettle the lives of Native Americans. This could catch on, similar to how people no longer say that Christopher Columbus or Leif Erikson “discovered” America.

I was hiking on a trail along a creek two weeks ago when a man and two women approached me, near a spot where a group of roots from a nearby tree had broken through the soil along the trail. Pointing to the roots, I asked the man, “Do you know what this is called?” He said no, “but they might,” pointing to the two women. He said the women just finished getting their doctorates in biodiversity studies, so I asked them what a collection of exposed tree roots is called. One said she knew the name, but she couldn’t recall it. I said I’ve asked several hikers that question, and they often say they know the word but can’t recall it either. She replied, “I know! I know! It’s like no one can remember the name for that plastic thing on the end of a shoelace ...” At the same instant, the man and I blurted out the word “aglet.” We eyed each other for a second, then I turned to the woman and said, “Apparently, it’s not at all like aglet.”

Instead of people referring to themselves as semiretired, they should say they’re semiworking.

Saying that someone is “a slave to their phone” is disrespectful to people who were once slaves to their plantation master.

When I hear the word “panacea” or “placebo,” I have to take a second to figure out their separate meanings. And when I see the word “chasm” or “chaos,” I have to remind myself it’s a hard “ch-” not a soft one.

Here are some bad bumperstickers to have on your car if you’re traveling through rural Oklahoma. Again, I urge you, DO NOT display these decals on your car in rural Oklahoma:

• Belt buckles are for losers

• Allah bless America

• Trucks suck

• Holy jihad!

• Only obese people die of COVID

The negative and the now — that’s what most of us focus on.

Taking ivermectin as a COVID-19 treatment was a very effective way for Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers to let the public know everything they need to know about Aaron Rodgers.

Paddleboarders don’t look like they’re having as much fun as they thought they’d have.

We need a word that’s the opposite of the word “schadenfreude,” the German word that means taking pleasure in another person’s pain. We need a word that expresses the feeling of taking pleasure in another person’s pleasure.

Here’s a fine German word: Weltanschauung. It means having a comprehensive view of humanity’s place in the universe.

When you close the door, “close” is pronounced “cloZe.” When you’re close to someone, it’s pronounced “cloSe.”

Considering all the ills that can befall human beings, we should be happier than we are.

I bet people younger than 16 years of age don’t know what a toll-free number is.

Have close-talkers experienced a higher-than-normal COVID contraction rate?

■ Contact Kirk Ericson at [email protected]