Survey questions I'd like us to ask us

Kirk Ericson | Aug 11, 20220

I was busy catching up on infection news the other day at infectioncontroltoday.com when I came across this tidbit:

“More than half of all Americans are symptomatic of highly contagious, unsightly and often difficult to cure nail fungus and infections, and may potentially pass them along to others by sharing nail tools, according to a new survey on nail hygiene habits.

“According to the Fungicure 2004 Nail Hygiene Survey of 830 Americans fielded by TNS/NFO Research Worldwide, more than 52% of respondents reported symptoms of highly contagious nail infections or fungus on fingernails, toenails or both. Yet only 15% ever discussed nail care with their physician, and more than 77% of respondents believe that nail fungus is somewhat, not very, or not at all contagious.”

This underreported toenail fungus scourge is the kind of survey question that the what-are-people-thinking industry loves to ask us Americans, surely because it helps merchandisers move more toenail-fungus-remedy product.

We need some surveys that have nothing to do with extracting dollars, finding out who’s up or down in the political world or who’s got an ailment that’s colored sickly yellow. How about surveys that could reveal the real thinking that’s going on with people in this country? Here are four suggestions:

■ What language did Jesus speak?

The No. 1 answer likely would be English, but what do you think the percentage would be? 20%? 30%? And of those people who answered “English,” what percentage of them would justify their answer by saying, “Because the Bible was written in English?” Some respondents might answer “Latin,” others “Hebrew” or “Greek.” Some might even answer “tongues.” But what percentage would answer “Aramaic?”

■ Would you ever lie to someone conducting a survey or a poll?

The presumption when trying to plumb public opinion is that people tell the truth, or at least enough people tell the truth so you can get a semi-accurate picture of whatever the matter at hand is. But if you knew what percentage of people would lie to a survey taker, you could have a new factor to add to or subtract from the “margin of error” element. It would be “the lie margin.” But the very question raises a conundrum. Let’s say 37% say they would lie to an opinion surveyor. Could you assume those 37% are lying when they say they would lie? Or are they telling the truth about lying? Also, the 63% who say they would tell the truth could contain people who lie about telling the truth.

■ Have you ever eaten food taken from a dumpster?

I have, but only desserts. I’m a dessert fiend. I’ve also consumed half-eaten burnt creams and chocolate mousses from bus trays when I was a 17-year-old dishwasher at Clinkerdaggers restaurant in Spokane. After I ate those desserts, I don’t remember being nauseated or thinking, “Eating that was a bad idea.” I bet the answer to this question is 17%.

■ Is there a bump on your scalp you’re worried about?

I discovered one last week on my head above my right ear. You immediately wonder how long the bump has been there and whether it’s growing, and you might end up touching it so much to check whether it’s still present that you give yourself a headache. Or maybe you give yourself a headache because you’re thinking about it constantly. My bump disappeared after a couple of days, so I start worrying about something else. I bet the answer to this question is 29%.